lamp

i don't know anymore. it's 1 am and im laying in bed trying to wrap my head around it all. the more i see my lamp lighting my room, the more pissed im starting to get. it looks off, it looks ugly and the way the cone shapes it is not helping. i want to grab it and throw it across the room, it's ugly colors / unpleasant shape itches the worst nerves in my brain and i can't take it anymore. what an awful light source, i don't know why i even have it at this point. it's swirl base, the white cover turning beige as soon as the light is on is just... i don't know. i can't put it into words. i hate the way it looks, i hate the way the light bounces on the dresser. it's so bright and distracting, having it on hurts my brain and irks me. it only gets worse the more i notice it. now, it's possibly the placement on my nightstand but it feels deeper than that, there's more to this feeling that i can't articulate properly, but i just know. the lighting of the room too... something feels off but i don't want to turn on the light, so im stuck with it as my only source of light. i hate the way it feels on my skin, i hate the way it feels around me, i hate the vibes it gives off. it's hell, absolute hell. every second it's on, the urge to kill is stronger and stronger. that's all i have to say for now but i hate my lamp so much.